SirSublime

Every time I close my eyes I see her standing In the shadows I can just make out her flowing brown hair. My heart races As she approaches slowly, Toward the light. The light that seems like a single spotlight focused directly on me. Although others surround us, I feel as if we are alone. I can see her mesmerizing blue eyes, And her enchanting smile. Now here she is before me, Toe to toe, Face to face. Still beautiful, Just as she was in the dark. Panic sets in. Sweat dripping, Heart pounding, Head spinning, I have lost control. She leans in… And I fall In love.

As the sun sets So does my ambition. And I keep up With my sad, old tradition. While the crimson river flows, Its mouth cut clean with precision. I begin to think And come to a decision. Tomorrow will be new A bright world is what I envision. I want to change, To join a different division. And as I sit In a state of derision. I am glad, Because I need no revision.

What do you take me for? A fool? It would be fitting. Letting myself be a part of this Was a bigger mistake than letting you start it. A rock would have been smarter than me. Smart enough to have been cold and ignored you.        Instead of providing you with warmth by playing along. Smart enough to stay away,        To not be tricked Smart enough to leave you alone.        Instead of feeding your gluttonous being the attention it sought with such starvation Smart enough to keep from creating it's own illusion        A sunny illusion of love and hope. Smart enough to feel nothing. I wish I was a rock.

It’s funny How suddenly someone can enter your life And leave just as quickly as they arrived. Like a subway train screeching into a station Stopping only for a moment. She walks on. She sits down. She says hello. She strikes conversation. And just as you begin to feel that kind warmth, The warmth brought by familiar friends and faces. The train arrives at the next destination. This is her stop. And she is gone. Forever.

No, depression is not just getting sad. It's a constant sadness that melts into your bones, An indescribably heavy weight upon your shoulders, Never mind your heart and soul. It's believing so many lies (maybe because you've learned to accept them) And no longer appreciating your self-worth. Wishing you no longer existed, wishing yourself gone. Depression holds you back from your dreams And pulls you into a nightmare. It takes full control of your existence. It makes you never want to get out of bed, And when you finally do, You just want to get back in it. But you know the hardest part? Ignorant people. Just. Like. You.

I’ll just say what’s on my mind For everyone to hate. I used to cry myself to sleep And slice my skin with blades. I wrapped a belt around my neck In hopes of lifelessness, And after failing even that, I remained emotionless. My mother used to cry all day And my dad used to be ill. My sister attempted suicide By swallowing the pill. My mother tried to kill herself And we almost watched her fall. She swallowed gulps of whiskey And she blamed me for it all. I have hallucinations, And delusions, and depression And fighting my own demons Has become a slight obsession. I’ll just say what’s on my mind For everyone to see. T